Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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