Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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