bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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