She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
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I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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