....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize