The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
