I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
