I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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