Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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