ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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