apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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