No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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