i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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