at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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