I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
