After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My breasts were aching with rage.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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