just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
