what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
