you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
