I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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