Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
