Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
