woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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