Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
