Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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