White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
