please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
