Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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