And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my poor anus
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
