I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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