I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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