it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
