Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
