my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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