I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
