So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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