around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
