Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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