i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize
