R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
