she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
