Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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