Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
