i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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