I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
