just come out here and I will go home with you...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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