I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Panties = found
Randomize
