I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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