there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
