Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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