Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
