You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
