he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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