It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
