Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
