oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
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It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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