At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
