If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
