i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
