Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
