I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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