did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
