Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you still have your period?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
