I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
