I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
