The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
