Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm too high and old for this...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
