I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
