how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
